Day 1. May 06, 2019. Yep...still day one. Sooo....that just happened

Day 1...yup...still day 1 May 6, 2019, Soooo....that just happened!

Remember where we left off?....Sittin in the driveway...Billie was tucked in his favorite spot under the drivers seat....Dougie was planted firmly in the copilots seat to my right.....remember?

Figured out the whole which direction thing. Decided the first stop would be Poulsbo Washington....in a cool little RV park Called Eagle Tree out on the Kitsap Peninsula.

Figured now was as good a time as any to explore the Kitsap peninsula and spend some quality time with friends and family.

With that figured out...and a plan in place....let's pick up where we left off.....you remember... Billie tucked in under the driver's seat....Dougie...planted firmly in the copilots seat.....

Well what happened next is....um...well....it's almost impossible to put into words.

And before I even TRY....I gotta just say one thing....

We practiced

No..really....we practiced....a lot

For weeks.... the boys and I had trekked between the house and RV......starting with their initial introduction....a bunch of runnin around sniffin....checking things out.....wasn't long before Billie hangin out on the drivers seat....or sometimes stretched out across the dash sunnin himself in the front windshield.....Oh...here's some good fun! If ya have a cat....I highly recommend it....let your cat get all comfortable....stretched out across the dash of the motor home.....just chillin....then hit the windshield....with high pressure water while washing the exterior of the motor home....hilarious! This super efficient, and cunning hunting machine...the result of millions of years of evolution....is focused...and determined....to attack every inch of that see thru wall....find the spot where he can bust thru....get to the source of this clear and present danger.....and kill it! And there's no givin up! Meanwhile....Dougie...he's not the sort to miss out on a good hunt...pretty sure he's thinkin...squirell maybe?? His front paws on the console between the seats carefully assessing how and where he will insert himself into this activity....ah....good fun! anyway.....back to our practice! Dougie...just like in the house...stretched out on the sofa or...curled up in a ball at the end of it....for hours watchin Dad scrub down the motor home...inside and out.....sometimes joining me on my trips back and forth from the house with boxes of stuff. Sometimes...just hanging out in the motor home....until I got back from the house with another box....We had a plan! In travel mode...the stuff I had not been able to fit into drawers cabinets or closets...would be stacked up on the beds and in the bathtub. When we were parked.....those boxes would be stacked up on the spare bed...and all was good. Quick FYI....the coffee maker fits nicely into the kitchen sink to ensure it stays put till our next stop. Fact...is I was actually pretty impressed with myself that I had downsized a 2500 square foot home....into 180 square foot motor home....and had only 4 boxes....a couple bags of clothes....and a couple kitchen appliances left over.....ok ok ok....

Point here is....WE HAD PRACTICED....A Lot!

Except.....in hindsight....maybe just one little thing....we didn't actually go anywhere....in the motor home. I didn't start it....didn't do a dry run around the block.....nope....we didn't actually go anywhere....in the motor home.

But come on...give me a little credit...they both loved car rides....hoppin in the car for a trip to the vets.....to the park.....even just hangin out in the car while dad was in the grocery store....they were down.....never freaked out when the car moved?? Didn't think that would be a thing! I just focused on them being comfortable in their new little....I dunno....a fort on wheels in the driveway maybe?

So here's what happened.....In my head I'm seeing some kind of cross between a Abbot and Costello bit....and...I dunno....a Wylie E Coyote cartoon...

In real life....I didn't actually SEE alot.......I remember...Dougie...in the copilots seat....looking back...maybe it should have occurred to me that this was different...he wasn't in that spot ...that spot on the corner of the couch....he was in the copilots seat....studying DAD....I remember Billie....tucked in underneath the drivers seat...that made sense....right....DAD was in the drivers seat...so naturally Billie would just slide in under the seat....right? Makes sense. I remember....I remember....starting the motor home....putting the motor home in reverse....I remember the motor home starting to move...and then....

Just sudden bursts of movement really...there were just blurrs.....fuzzy shades of color moving rapidly through my peripheral vision...

What I heard on the other hand....lets just say that was a fully immersive experience. While hard to describe......I can now tell you with certainty....that I know exactly what it sounds like when a 12 lb cat finds his way from underneath the drivers seat....to the back bed of a 32 foot RV.....displacing a coffee pot,...getting tangled up in the metal shutters on two separate windows....knocking over a 4 foot cat tree....and exchanging his new position on a bed with 3 boxes of kitchen stuff....all....nearly simultaneously...hitting the floor...pots and pans are loud...and all this...impressive physical prowess....within a span of...hmmm....maybe 2 seconds.

Damn that cat is fast.

At the same time....the very same time...a 78lb Dougie..... an 8 year old Husky mix....with a hip problem....had decided...this was the appropriate moment in time....to ah....lets say transport himself...from his spot in the copilots seat.....to that spot on the sofa...some 5 or 6 feet away....without using the floor. He didn't make it. But...bonus points for quick recovery after some scrambling and, regouping....a brief encounter with the same metal blinds that Billie had just visited.....he found that spot....on the couch....and planted himself firmly....studying DAD...this time I think I might have seen a little bit of "seriously DAD" in the way he glared at me out of the corner of his eye.

I'm guessing maybe 10 seconds elapsed between when I started the engine...and shut it off...to begin frantically trying to undo my seatbelt....clearly....I needed to assess this situation. It was instantly clear...that we had to regroup. Somebody...we won't name names....had dropped the ball here and we needed a Family meeting.

So we spent the better part of the next hour consoling....and apologizing to one another....ensuring each other that everything was gonna be ok....I now realize....you know....from our heartfelt conversations ..... that unlike that of a simple car ride to the grocery store....it is very different (in Dougie and Billie's minds) When your new little fort in the driveway.....suddenly rumbles to life and begins to move. As I now understand it....it is the equivalent of oh....maybe 9.9 magnitude apocalyptic earthquake?? Or maybe more like being tricked into a disguised space capsule and unknowingly shot into orbit??......that was billies analogy...but he's a bit of a drama queen sometimes...

So now what? Let's face it...in reality our options are pretty limited at this point. Not like we are moving back into the house we no longer own.... We had to give it another go. And I seriously gotta hand it to my little wanna be road warriors.....after our talks and relaxing a bit they both seemed relatively unaffected by what had just happened and jumped right back into the RV.

This go around.....things were a little different. Nobody under the drivers seat....and nobody in the copilots seat....but both snuggled in happily on that corner of the couch. Just like in the good old days....ya know....in the house....Dougie loves his spot on the couch.....Billie loves to hop up on the couch and find himself a comfortable spot directly on top of Dougie....Dougie seems to like it when his little brother snuggles into a ball on top of him. And there they were...ready to go...for real...I thought...this time.

We backed out of the driveway....hung a left on 34th street..then a right and down the hill to the 705...out to hiway 16...across the narrows bridge....and headed north on the Kitsap Peninsula. We were off and running. Me....constantly lookin back at the boys telling them how awesome they were......my brave little men....how much fun we were gonna have.....all is good...right.....?

Then somewhere just outside of Bremerton...I glanced back.... and....no Billie??? Where did Billie go??? And...And....why is Dougie all wet. Is Dougie is all wet??? And why is Billie missing? How...is Billie missing??

At 55 or 60 miles an hour on a four lane freeway I quickly applied deep analytical skills, assessed the situation, and concluded that the best course of action was to ......ah....keep goin!

I had to get off the freeway. He certainly couldn't have....I mean...there's no way outta this thing...I checked!

So....5 more miles up the freeway to Bremerton.....constantly looking back and asking Billie where he was....while wet Dougie was now refusing eye contact with dad....I am getting some serious stink shoots an angry glance my way....he is not happy with DAD

Within minutes we were pulling into a Walmart parking lot and finding a spot in the back. Then it's up and down the motor home Billie....where where are you?? Billie? Seriously....Billie....at this point I've checked everywhere......Dougie...watching my every move,,,,,cabinets,,,,closets,,,,every nook and cranny....Billie!...where are you??!! At this point I'm sweatin it more than a little....my mind is racing...did my little buddy find a way out?? I'm checking windows.....hell...even roof vents......all still closed.....no Billie

I'm actually starting to consider what it might sound like in the evening news when the license place of my motor home was being shared with the entire Puget Sound and the news anchor explaining how witnesses saw a cat climb out of a roof vent on an RV traveling north on hiway 16 during mid day traffic...."cat is still missing" the the on scene reporter notes.....shit.....this is hell...being a parent sucks! Apparently being a bad parent sucks worse!

And then I saw it....during my 10th pass or so by Dougie on the couch...a flick of a tail. Billies tail. Is he....under Dougie? A 78lb dog is laying on top of the 12lb cat? Is that what's happening here....uh huh....it's happening.

Anyone that knows Billie....knows that nothing happens to Billie....that Billie doesn't want to happen,,,,,,it's a cat thing right? (well...except for the whole being tricked into a disguised rocketship and shot into orbit......anyway...

Gently shifting Dougie to the side and extracting Billie....I realize that Dougie is not the only WET PET here. They are both super wet! It's not water....or sweat.....It's ah....uhm..well I'm just gonna say it.....somebody has had the piss scared out of them and I have no idea which.....maybe both?

At this point..that doesn't really matter does it?? it was once again clear that our afternoon plans had changed.....and we would be having another family meeting. This time...on a Walmart parking lot.... and our Family meeting would include baths....lots of towels....a good deal of sofa scrubbing....and multiple trips into the Walmart for cleaning supplies.

Thank goodness I had filled the water tank before leaving.....

First, remove the boxes from the bathtub and stack everything up onto one bed.

Then Bath number one with Billie. Once he is all wrapped up in a towel and snuggled onto the other bed it's time for bath time with Dougie......

Then scrub the couch....

three kitchen sink fulls of hot soapy water later....scrubbin down cabinets and moppin the floor then its time for Dads shower.

Ahh.....a fresh set of shorts...flip flops and a t shirt for dad...then a run around the parking lot with each of the boys... letting them shake off their baths.....and finally...things start settling down.

We are WAY behind schedule now for our check in at Eagle tree.....so I throw all the dirty towels and laundry into the tub....pile the boxes on top of the dirty clothes.....another couple of quick kitchen sink fulls of hot water to double check the sofa, and that everything had been scrubbed down along with a final mop of the floor...cleaning up and getting rid of pee smell is fun....NOT then put the coffee maker back in the kitchen sink...

And we make yet one more cautious attempt at movement....and head out to Eagle Tree. I was relieved that I had gotten everything back around to somewhat normal before hitting the RV park...certainly didn't want our new temporary neighbors thinking a clown car had just moved into the neighborhood.

Office was closed so we did overnight check in.....exhausted so plugged in electric and decided would unhook the car and do the rest of the set up on the morning. Popped a pizza in the oven for dinner....fed the boys .....quick walk around the park...then the three of us hit the sack for a movie and hopefully a good nights sleep....let's face it...we were are all pretty beat at this point!

Awoke the following morning to a beautiful spring day in the Pacific Northwest. The boys were in great spirits and ready for a morning walk and some breakfast....like nuthin out of the ordinary had happened! I gotta say....my boys are pretty amazing....apparently they have just accepted the fact that their dad is an idiot and they just love me for me! No hard feelings....all is good. My little road warrior wannabe's hadn't seemed to develop any aversion to the motor home....and our 30 minute drive from the Walmart parking lot to Poulsbo had been surprisingly uneventful.....I was pretty optimistic that all the drama of the moving house concept was behind us. Whew!...turns....I guess it was....on with the adventure!

With their morning walk and breakfast out of the way.....I polished off another cup of coffee...washed the mornings dishes and decided it was time to shower up....then it would be time to set up camp and head out for a meet up with family in Gilberton.

It would be right about now...when a series of events would kick in revealing how much of an RV rookie I actually was...

But before I dig into my next lesson....Let me just say, for the record....on April 22nd of 2019....I purchased my very first in life RV.

A 1988 Holiday Rambler Alumilite in pristine condition....two previous owners....with a mere 32,000 miles on it.

Prior to that.....and the couple of months I had spent shopping for an RV....I had stepped into......been in...seen the inside of....let alone, driven.....exactly...ZERO RV's! Yup.....55 times around the sun...and I knew nothing...it seems... about RV's.

And it quickly becomes painfully evident....that the 30 minute walk-around and test drive with the previous owner of this one....did little to educate me. I was about to learn.....RV ownership would come with a pretty dang steep learning curve.

Back to the beautiful spring morning.....

As I began to remove boxes and laundry from the bathtub....stack them on the spare bed and shower....ok....let's just start with the facts....

I can now tell you with certainty....that if you fill your fresh water tank before you leave... and said freshwater tank has a capacity of 55 gallons...(I know this now cause I looked in the book)....and then you empty the fresh water tank...by taking showers, baths, and cleaning up pet related catastrophes...all that fresh water is now called gray water...(We will get to blackwater later)...once it is called gray water....it is deposited into the gray water tank...genius...right!!!!!!

Here's the thing.

My gray water tank...you know...that's the place where all the water goes...after it's done being fresh water....has a capacity of 30 gallons....(I now know this too...because I read the book)...If one deposits nearly....um...I dunno almost all of the freshwater tank...into a 30 gallon gray water tank...where does the extra gray water go??

So...ah...super good news...I can tell ya....now...(cause ya the whole book thing) In this particular RV....once the gray water tank is full...one of two things will happen. There are two "low points" in the motor home....the first is a valve below the bathroom sink....which assuming you had opened it will deposit the excess gray water onto the ground at the rear of the motor home....I had not opened it.

The other low spot....is the .....you guessed it...bathtub. You remember what I had put in my bathtub right?

And there ya have it! my visit with friends and family that day would be rescheduled....so I could first finish setting up camp, unhook car.... hook up hoses....empty gray water tank...level up the RV and spend the day wringing out towels...doing laundry...and throwing away wet boxes.....and don't get me started on the adventure that ended with my beloved Nakamichi Sound System 8 being lovingly deposited into a recycling bin a few days later.

After careful analysis...it turns out that it was not of the submersible variety!

Lesson learned.....And you're welcome!

Next lesson....yup....there's more....

I have a flat tire... on the RV! While unhooking the car, repositioning the RV on the pad and leveling things up I noticed one of the rear tires looked sorta soft....an hour or so later it was more than soft....it was flat!....Quick lesson on checking the date stamps on tires.....24 hours.....and $2700 bucks later I had 7 shiny new tires on the RV including the spare. See....I learned that tires are date stamped during manufacturing...and the typical RV tire is rated to last some 5 to 6 years or so....some even recommend replacement, regardless of wear and tear...every 3 years....of course they do. RV tire manufacturers will not even give you a total mileage estimate.....they will not guarantee the tire based on how many miles you put on it....because average mileage put on RV tires varies widely. What does not vary so much is that tires on RV's much more frequently age out...or become what is called "date checked". All my tires "looked great"....tons of tread on them...they only had 19k miles on them....which is all I looked at ....what I did not look at was the date of manufacture...which was 2009. This being 2019....yup...date checked.

And there ya have it... another handy lesson learned...

And again.....your welcome!

The next lesson would come a few days later.

I had just crawled out bed....started a pot of coffee....and was headed to use the restroom before hitting the shower when I discovered that the toilet was backed up! Craaaap! literally....

A quick double check that I had opened the valve and everything should be working fine.....but still backed up. I was concerned that if the toilet was backed up....then everything else in the RV would start backing up as well....so didn't want to use any of the plumbing in the RV until I had gotten this situation figured out...and fixed. I decided I'd have breakfast...morning walk with the boys....hit the showers in the clubhouse....then dig into this little conundrum.

I started with....as one does....Youtube videos...30 minutes or so later I was digging through closets and exterior storage units to see what sort of tools ......for this kinda situation might have been left onboard by the previous owner....before I ran off and bought something I didn't need. Then one last check underneath the RV to make sure I fully understood the situation. Where could the clog actually be? I reached in the hole on the side of the RV and checked, yet again...for like 4th time that the valve had been pulled all the way out...and yep...it was.

As I crawled in underneath the RV....laying there on my back on the ground I was studying the plumbing...where were the bends in the plumbing...where and what could possibly be clogged....when one of my new neighbors Jim walked up. I rolled out from under the RV and introduced myself. Jim turned out to be a super nice guy. From Wyoming...he and his wife had been making the trek to the Kitsap peninsula for years....said it was one of their favorite places to visit in early spring. He had commented on how impressed he was with my Motor home....how well taken care of it had been and asked if I was having problems. I explained that I seemed to have a clogged toilet....and was just trying to figure out where it was clogged and how I might handle the situation. Jim walked over to the rear of the Motor home....reached into the little hole on the side of the RV and said...yep....gray water valve is open. Then he reached just below that and as he pulled the valve creating a very audible WOOOOSH.....he calmly said....you need to open the blackwater tank as well. Blackwater tank...I repeated...embarrassed. (member I said I'd get to the whole Blackwater thing?) There's two tanks?? Yup...Jim stated...then graciously went on to explain that you should always empty the blackwater tank first...then close it and then empty the gray water tank. See....the gray water will help to ensure the evacuation line has been fully flushed out. It's never a good idea....he went on... to open both tanks at the same time...and then leave them open. Always keep then closed....until they are full..then empty them in the correct order.....You certainly don't want to deal with a poop pyramid. Poop Pyramid? I asked? At this point my brain was locking up....trying to absorb, why, in the history of the English language....there had been a situation in which we would need to put the words poop....and pyramid....next to one another in a sentence. Jim explained it to me.... I won't bother you with the details here.....if you're dying to understand the physics of a poop pyramid....and how not pleasant that would be to deal with....I'd recommend a quick google. Thank goodness.....Jim had saved me from such an experience.

No more clogged toilet....and another lesson learned.....Thanks Jim from Wyoming

Oh...and your welcome....

I'm feelin sorta all fulled up on lessons for now!

Yea...one last thought....I can almost hear ya out there.....shoulda read that book before ya left buddy....shaddup....I'm a guy....what guy reads the dang book....before he has too anyways. Next thing I know you'll want me to ask for directions! Don't be silly...I'm a guy.